So, last week, we were introduced to Zvezda Nankova, a 37 bisexual woman who lives in Hialeah, Florida. She is in an open relationship with another woman, she has no children but does have a pet, a goat named Snickers.
This week, we are going to expand on the poly relationship, get an idea of why she is in Florida and find out how she got her pet goat.
Journal Entry #1
So, I guess I have to do this now. Write about myself in a diary. It's gross, I hate it, I mean can humans not just express their feelings without having to write it down, where anyone could pick it up and uncover the veil we put between ourselves and the world?
Whatever, this is for you Dr. Schneekloth. What a weird name, it feels hairy even writing it.
Speaking of hairy, I got waxed for the first time the other day. You'd think living in a humid area like Florida, I'd wax all the time, but let's face it, I'm not slumming it with anyone lately. Aside from Helga, geez, even her name sounds hairy when you write it down, who was the closest thing I had to a relationship. She is a hundred and thirty pounds of pure adrenaline, she is constantly on a pure sugar high and while its infectous, its also exhausting. The sex is great, like a rollercoaster of great, but she's to distracted on herself that it hardly gets past the sex. Thus exclusivity was off the table. I have one picture of her on my phone, and it was so innocent that someone could easily mistake her as just a regular friend. Even her name was saved in my phone as simply, H ❤️
I had been on and off tinder, for those nights that i couldn't fill the empty void in my chest. Like everyone else, i immediately regretted those decisions, though luckily none of the guys or gals had turned out to be psycho stalkers or serial killers. In fact, some of them had turned out to be wonderful people and we went on a few dates, exploring our interests but it always ended the same, they moved on and I was left behind, wondering if I was cursed with loneliness. The ice rocky road cream replacing my left hand and the spoon replacing my right proved otherwise.
And when the rocky road comes out, a belated bray comes with it. My love and pride, a half white, half dusty gray furred goat named Snickers. The funny story behind how i came to be Snickers friend also comes with her name. It was a rainy day in June, I was taking a break from the call center i'm a manager at, and headed into the back alley to get some fresh air. Cliff notes: I heard weird animal noises, i investigated, i found a baby goat with a limp matted in trash and snickers bars. Fast forward: I took her to the vet and got stuck with her medical bills and thus my reasoning, "I saved you and literally payed for it, now you staying with me." Thankfully, Snickers didn't seem to mind staying in a rented apartment on the west side of Hialeah.
But I do mind. I mind so much that every night, after working my soul sucking shift at the call center, I scour the interwebs for houses, apartments, flights, bus schedules, in other parts of the country, and even where i was originally from, Sofia, Bulgaria. But i couldnt bring myself to push that final click, "purchase" I was held back, and I didnt know why. I had lived here my entire life, besides the few years as a child when i lived in Sofia, Bulgaria. My parents moved here for the "American Dream" and we did well for ourselves. They opened up a gas station where my mom did the financials and logistics while Dad ran day to day operations. We didn't do anything exciting, didn't take any bombastic trips or spent much time out of the station really, which I am starting to feel has been to my detriment. At a rough 24, i was kicked out of living under them, after they had found me in bed with H. Very intolerant of being a "blood sucking demon" aka being bi. They died a few years back, and while it was sad, it really felt like i had lost them at 24, so i didn't have that hard of a time.
And now its 13 years later and im still in my same apartment i had at 24, eating the same food, and working the same job. I want something more, NEED something more, but if im being honest, I'm too scared. Not scared that I'll fail, but that I'll succeed. This week, I'm going to do something out of my comfort zone, something that pushes me to living a full life. Now, i just got to figure out what that is.
Trying to love myself,
Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment on anything you found interesting or more you'd like to hear about. Also, we are creating this story together, so feel free to place down your ideas and thoughts!